15th trip to Japan

…and my first as a real American, standing in the non-Japanese nationals line at Narita Airport and all.

I’m running out of excuses to not post on here, seeing as I’m back with a lot to write about, but I do need to be getting to bed at the moment so I’ll just leave you with a little preview:

As seen from the shinkansen…

My complicated relationship with Japan, Part 4

I apologize for the lack of posts this week.

I’m back with the last part (for now?) of the “My complicated relationship with Japan” series, and I’m going to end on some positive notes.

First of all, two things of note that I like about going to Japan:

- Food. I love Japanese food. Ramen, udon, soba, takoyaki, okonomiyaki, sushi, donburi, tempura, sekihan, and Japanese curry, and snack food like dango and anpan. Even the “Western” food tastes better, like spaghetti and korokke (croquette), or desserts like cheesecake and crêpes. Everything in Japan is delicious. It seems that when I’m in Japan, I’m living for my next meal.

- Family. As much as it’s annoying to be with some of them sometimes, I’m no different than most other people that I enjoy spending time with relatives. In particular, I’ve always stayed in fairly good contact with my cousins on my mom’s side, and they both have two young kids. It’s been fun to see how they’ve grown every time I go back to Japan.
The last time I went to Japan, we had what might be called a “family reunion” dinner on my dad’s side, and it was the best part of that trip (family and food!). I’d always thought I had a rather small family (only child, only a total of 4 cousins), but I met relatives I didn’t even know I had. Over at our young-people side of the table, I sat next to (bear with me) my grandmother’s cousin’s great-grandson (that would mean a great-great-grandparent of mine would have been the sibling of this guy’s great-grandparent, I think), who was the same age as me. There was also my dad’s cousin’s daughter (or my grandma’s sister’s granddaughter, if you prefer), who coincidentally happened to be back in Japan from Germany (where she currently lives) at the same time I was there.

I’m careful to say “I don’t like going to Japan,” as opposed to “I don’t like Japan.” If I wasn’t proud of who I am, I wouldn’t have this blog. If you haven’t been to Japan and might be interested in going, I’d encourage you to do so. You’ll probably have a great time. For you, it’ll all be new, and you won’t have the problems I have. And if you’re white (or black, for that matter) and know 2 phrases in Japanese, everyone will love and adore you.

Which brings me to… I’ve had more than one person suggest to me that I’ll have a much easier time in Japan if I play up my American-ness. In a way, that might be true, as one of my problems is that I look and sound too Japanese to be an obvious “foreigner” (particularly if I’m with family), except I’m sure there’s something that seems a bit “off” about me. So while the average foreigner traveling in Japan will impress locals by knowing any Japanese or anything about Japan, I look and sound the part of a Japanese woman enough that I suspect I strike people as just weird and a little stupid. I feel this way pretty often in stores, train stations, information desks, hotels, taxis, etc.

But do I put on a fake American accent and pretend I don’t speak Japanese well? That wouldn’t exactly solve my problem of feeling like I can’t be myself in Japan, would it? Do I tell people every time “I’m an American”?…Right, because then people won’t think I’m weird at all. I’d just confuse people.

The struggle continues, I guess.

My complicated relationship with Japan, Part 3

As I’ve matured and grown up, of course, I don’t exactly go to Japan kicking and screaming anymore. I’m not constrained by parental supervision, and I know how to get around on my own. Going back to Japan as an adult has its own problems, however.

- I feel societal pressures to act Japanese. I don’t think this mattered so much as a kid. The problem is, I have very much an American personality. I like clear, brutal honesty, I can’t stand fake politeness, and I like people to take me seriously at face value. I get frustrated by the metaphorical acrobatics involved in Japanese social interactions. Yet, one thing I do have is respect for values and expectations that differ from my own, so I follow the rules anyway. The end result of that is that I feel that I’m surrounded by artifice and I can never be myself while I’m in Japan.

- I still don’t like being cut off from my life. Typically when I’m in Japan, I’m surrounded by people whose average age is about 55. I generally have nobody my own age to talk to. They don’t have computers (“We e-mail by phone; why would we need a computer?” say my aunt and uncle). The combination of cultural and generational gaps make it near impossible for relatives to even begin to understand what my life abroad is like. Needless to say, it makes me feel lonely and isolated.

Last time I was in Japan with my dad, he decided to take me away from my maternal uncle and aunt’s house where I normally stay to my great-aunt (dad’s aunt)’s place where he usually stays when he visits Japan. In a way, she’s pretty cool: 80 years old, and lives independently on the 5th story of an apartment building with no elevator. And maybe because of that, she’s still quite healthy in both mind and body. But in typical my-dad fashion, he left for a trip to Tokyo with no notice, leaving me alone with this old woman for several days. And honestly, there’s only so much I have to say to her, but just packing up and taking off didn’t seem like the right thing to do, either. So between meals and personal hygiene, I mostly sat and watched hours upon hours of TV, while my great-aunt asked me things like “Do they have commercials in America?” and “Aren’t you scared all by yourself?” (I live in Portland with no family here) and fussed over whether I’m too cold or if I’m getting enough to eat (and never believing me when I honestly tell her I’m full).

- Traveling with a friend or boyfriend can be helpful but has its own problems, as it saddles me with the twin, often competing responsibilities of spending time with relatives and making sure my tourist American companion is having a good time. And do you know how difficult it is to be having two conversations in two languages, at the same time? Not that I blame them, but I think people tend to ignore and not hear things they don’t understand. When I was there with my boyfriend at my aunt and uncle’s house, I don’t know how many times I found myself with my talkative boyfriend and my talkative aunt literally talking to me at the same time about different subjects while I struggled to keep up with the two conversations, the two of them completely oblivious to what was going on.

And of course, I have to budget my time, figuring out how much time to spend at “home” and how much time to spend tourist-ing with my American friends taking them to places. Traveling with someone that speaks zero Japanese and have never been to Japan adds extra stress as they’re essentially dependent on you. All the while, I worry if the time and money they’re spending to accompany me on this trip is worthwhile.

My own China trip, 2004

As everyone knows, the Olympics has started in Beijing, amid much controversy. But everyone, their mom, and their dog, both professionals and non-professionals, have written about this and will continue to write about this a million times over, so I’m not even going to pretend to have anything to add to that discussion.

But I’m self-indulgent (is there any other kind of blog?) so I’ll just talk about the things I saw with my own eyes.

I took a 10-day trip to China in 2004 (and if you read my post about Hiroshima: yes, that was 2 round-trips to Asia I took that summer!). I don’t think I’d ever want to live there, but it’s an amazing and unique experience to visit. Two things made this an especially unique trip for me, though:
1) I went as a member of the USC Trojan Marching Band.
2 (though really a result of (1)) I was one of a few Asian people traveling with over 80 band members and another 40 or so donors/alumni/parents (read: mostly affluent, white people)

I remember enough to have an entry for every day I was there, but I’ll get tired and you’ll get bored, so here’s some select, interesting memories/observations:

- A real highlight of the trip was a visit to an elementary school in Beijing specializing in traditional Chinese music. We were absolutely blown away by how talented these kids were. They were playing instruments I’d never seen before, and the music was beautiful yet highly energetic.

- Now, I’ve been to Japan lots of times and know about white people getting sidelong stares a bit there, but that’s nothing compared to China. I’d just be out walking around during free time with a small group of fellow band members, and people would not only really stare, they’d come up — often nervously giggling — and ask to take pictures. And the lighter-haired, lighter-skinned you are, the more interesting. Several times during the trip, I had a Chinese person shove a camera in my hands (me = Asian = not interesting), go pose next to the blond, white person in the group, and mime at me to take a picture. I’d mentally roll my eyes and comply.

- As always, we’d change out of uniforms in our charter buses after performances. Some people actually followed us to the buses and try to watch us (or rather, “them” I should say) through the bus windows. Good thing these buses had curtains.

- We had our share of annoying white people in our group. We were at the Summer Palace in this neat dragon-shaped boat. Since the whole boat was filled with SC people, an older man in our group (non-band member) decided it was a great idea to do…a SoCal Spellout. I’m usually all for spontaneous Spellouts when I’m with SC folk, but sitting on this dragon boat in the serene Summer Palace in China, I just felt embarrassed for him, me, and everyone else on the boat.

- One of our performances was on the Great Wall. We played both down in a plaza area and on the Wall itself. It was all very cool and surreal but…you know, there’s something slightly ironic, weird, and uncomfortable about us playing “Conquest” on the Great Wall. Take that as you will…

- In the touristy areas of China, there’s people trying to sell you cheap stuff everywhere. Especially with a huge American group like ours, people were constantly shouting “ONE DOLLAR! ONE DOLLAR!” holding out everything from postcards to Chairman Mao watches. Many in my group went up to them to use the art of bargaining and milk them for all they could, but I tried my best to ignore them. I went to the flea market in Shanghai for the experience, but I decided to break off and wander by myself because I got tired of being with the target-Americans. I didn’t look like a typical Japanese tourist either, so I was able to mostly blend in and be left alone.

- A lot of us, including me, enjoyed Xi’an the most. There’s the famous terra-cotta warriors of course, we had amazing dumplings at De Fa Chang restaurant, and we even got a Welcoming Ceremony at the City Gate.

I generally don’t like traveling with big tour groups (…100+ white Americans in China!), and as you can tell there was plenty I had to “put up with,” but it was worth it on this one; it gave me such a unique experience and I got to do things I wouldn’t have been able to do anyway else.

Welcoming Ceremony at Xi'an

I'm second from the front there.

*Photos: None of these photos are mine. I didn’t have my digital camera then, and I couldn’t have taken a lot of these for obvious reasons anyway. I believe these were taken by our photographer for the trip, and I downloaded ones I liked onto my computer years ago. I don’t remember who you are; sorry!*